I admire you for hanging in for so long. I only made it to 6 years of marital hell. Like you, I began to doubt reality. As abusive as he was to me, he was a completely different person to everyone else. He was one of those people who was the perfect friend, the perfect co-worker, the perfect son, the perfect brother.
Before we married, he treated me like a queen. No man had ever treated me so well. But after we got married, he changed completely, think Jekyll and Hyde. After we divorced, I didn’t date for years because I had trust issues. I was so afraid that if I married again, the same thing would happen, Mr. Wonderful would turn into an abusive monster.